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What Pressure of Getting Married Did to Me – Damilola Tobi

Over the past year, I have tried to feel among. I mean to feel among ladies who are in a relationship. Ladies who are glad to be dating someone. You see, during those time, I was pressured because all I wanted was just to be with someone no matter how good the person is, no matter how rich or poor the person is. I was not focused on money because I was working and I was making enough money to take care of myself. Those times were tough! I won’t lie to you. I even reunited with my ex. It was actually that bad.

The pressure to be married was much for me. Almost everyone I know asks me about when I am getting married. Asking questions like, so when is the date? What material/colour are you picking for Aso Ebi? So many questions and our society? That one is a story for another day. These pressures increase exponentially with age after all “the woman is like a flower that blooms one day and withers the next.” Nobody for once asked me if I was ready to be married. If my career is going well. If I will like to get skills and go for professional training. Their questions were mainly about marriage. I am not saying what they did was wrong but then, is marriage really the ultimate? All the pressure made to lose focus at some point and the only thing I was looking out for was mainly getting married. I can’t count how many times I have settled for less all in the name of ‘Getting Married’ I knew from within that I have lost it because I neglected my dreams, goal and I stop being an ambitious woman.

I am not against getting married, of course, I want to be married. I love to be married but one thing I am against is allowing the idea of marriage to cloud your judgement. I want you to have plans, goals, dreams and chase after them. Have something to offer. Don’t let anybody pressure you. The truth is, when the time is right, you will know. I am in a relationship now and I am happy because it was time for me. I am not pressured. I am not even worried about getting married. I have not even asked him anything about marriage, unlike my previous relationships. lol. I want to be able to talk, share and build something strong.

Guys, you don’t know how excited I am. I am happy that am achieving my dreams, I am becoming a better person and am not allowing marriage to cloud my judgement. That feeling is priceless. I will like to buttress more about what have learnt about dealing with marriage pressure.

*No matter how agonizing the pressure, do not give in. Well, I gave in and I regretted. Don’t be like me although that’s in the past now I know better.

*Living with a sword hanging above your head can be really difficult. I understand your frustration and dilemma. I have been there. All I can suggest is be the decision maker of your own life and do not let any pressure get the better of you. Because if anything happens at the end of the day, it will be your cross to carry.

*It is time to be super confident and firm about your decision. You need to stand up for yourself rather than succumbing to the pressure and saying yes for something as big as getting married.

I wish you all the best ladies.
Remember you own this and God is with you. Do not feel pressured!

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